What is an "American"?

    I know this a weird topic to post about since I have tried to spend the past couple months trying to post about books, but this topic came up from a debate I was having with my stepbrother in the car. He was arguing that immigrants from other countries should learn to speak English in order to be deemed an "American".  I think the reason this argument peeved me so much is because "American" is such a mutt term given that most Americans have come from other countries and as far I am concerned it is their choice as to whether or not they want to learn English while residing here.  This is complicated by the fact that people that come from other countries most likely come from various backgrounds.
      Some international residents are here to just get their degrees and leave. Another perspective is those generation 1.5 generation who are balancing maintaining their own language while deciding whether or not to acclimate to American culture.  Finally it could be the parents of generation 1.5 ers who might not want to learn the language of English (but I am sure their are outliers who do) but again it is their choice and they does not make them any less American. So I have to ask you readers out their does spending 7+ years learning a language such as English make you "American"?  I am not sure how I feel about this when America is known as the country where you have the freedom to speak the language you like be it Hmong, Spanish, Chinese etc...with the hope that you won't be judged by others.

Totally lost...

   I have been watching Bunheads for the past couple weeks and the character I find myself most able to relate to is Michelle who like me is totally lost and trying to find my way and figure things out. It feels like what I have been trying to do all summer, figure out where I want or could work, what to do when I have finished my thesis, and what friends I actually want to hang out with this summer. I have been surprised by my answers or lack of answers to these questions that I have been indirectly posing to myself all summer. I think my quandary is whether to answer said questions or to pay things by ear like I have been doing all summer.
   Also it is probably these and many excuses why I have not written any reviews about book the past couple months, life and my thesis have taken over. Also I have done the crazy thing of trying to socialize this summer it feels like I have been trying to compensate with my lack of social life in grad school over the past three months which I have since learned is crazy and impossible to accomplish. It has just been a really weird summer. Even with the very small goals I gave myself to accomplish like getting a job and many other things. I will post reviews about books when I have gotten out of whatever funk I am in long enough to finish one. Thanks for listening.

The many foibles in having toxic friendships...

        Alright maybe its because I am getting older and because good friends have become harder to come by but I have gotten to the age where I am figuring out which friends are worth staying the long haul and which one's might need das boot. I am just pondering this because I was hanging out with a friend of mine that I just begun hanging out within the past couple months and he did something that has never happened to me before and offered to pay for meal for my birthday. This put me in sort of shock because these days I am lucky if some of my friends remember my birthday much less offer to do that. I never expect that, most birthdays I am grateful to hang out with people and socialize.  Also this makes me wonder if the other people that I have been hanging out with good be in the label of toxic friendships or non existant ones...and which is worse?
      This is worth pondering because some of the people I have been hanging out with up to this point, either don't make the effort and I have to do all the work, or are so lost in their own worlds falling apart that doing nothing seems like my best bet just with the hope that I will not make them angry. I rarely ever friends that are there for me and will give a damm. These people are few and far between and I am grateful when they do appear in the first place. Also this makes me wonder if I have been living in a cave up to this point when it comes to friends and have finally seen the light where people can be supportive and understanding to one another.  Another possibility is that my negative experiences have jaded me so much that the idea of a friend being nice or supportive or anything in the range of what a normal person does freaks me out and getting close to said person even harder even if I can trust them.  Now I know this post has nothing to do with literature but it is something I was wondering about tonight probably because I am in shock over the past events of this past month. 
          I feel like the mouse from Daria who has been exposed to such much negative stimuli that even when a reward or positive reinforcement may come that I will cower or run. I don't think is emotionally healthy at all, and just leads me with more questions about how to best proceed... Do I make a stand with these non existant or toxic friends or just ignore them..and see them when I see fit? Also what do I  with those people who treat me well, but I am too scared too get close because I have been burned too much in the past? Any thoughts on how to deal with this quandary is much appreciated.

Matilda and the return to childhood

   I first read Matilda when I was nine years old and had very few friends in elementary school and dealing with life events of both of parents getting remarried at the same time. Well given how much I like my denial about whatever I am going through, reading Matilda was an escape from all this through wondering how Matilda would take down the Trunchbull and admiring her for being both humble and brilliant at the same. While at the same time wishing I had the patience of Miss Honey. Also this book was able to reveal to me the perks of getting lost in a good book and putting yourself in the shoes of the protagonist.
    Through reading I have been able to transport myself to the eighteenth century, pretend I am in the victorian era through such books as Great Expectations, Hard Times, Daniel Derroda, Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde and many others. I do have my favorites though such as Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, any food memoir books I can get my hands on, and the YA literature series of Harry Potter and the Hunger Games.  I have a diverse appetite for books because you never know what you will find when you are not looking. I currently have a reading list set for myself that will take me a while to complete, much less start. However, it is due to Matilda that I love to read books and get lost in that world. Also its also because of this book that I want to teach English because these books I have had such a profound effect on me, I would hope to impart this same love to my future students.

p.s. I will post on Dickens Tale of Two cities after this book I hope...

The art of letting go part two...

  Well it has been another week of loss, so to speak I just lost my dog lady to a dog tumor while simultaneously pissing a couple people off. I seem to be best at driving people away whether I mean to or not. I seem to suck at keeping friendships lately due to my own social awkwardness and heart break over losing my dog lady or any other losses this year. I think all this loss has made me depressed whether I want to be or not. However I just read a quote by Joseph Campbell that states:
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”  I think this applies because things in my life have so not gone as planned I do not have a TA teaching job, or Drivers license and one person who used to be my closest friends is not talking to me.  But I know that life is supposed to happen when one is making plans. I think maybe I am tired of making plans or being mildly depressed I think I would like things to work out for once.
     This is kind of hard given that sometimes I am my own worst enemy when it comes to people and I tend to try to hard whether I am meaning to or not. Or I become my own self saboteur to my relationships, either way it is not a good thing. I know I need to let go, and that I should let go and not be this depressed, given that I am going back to not having had a good night sleep in days. I guess I have to have some glimmer of hope that things will moderately improve and that I will have something to look forward to in the future.

Mockingjay....a symbol of rebellion and freedom

      I think when it comes to the third book of the Hunger Games Mockingjay that I am still trying to sort out how I feel about it. Actually in some way Collins reminds me of Joss Whedon in that she has a tendency to kill over characters that the readers love or care about in the end. (spoiler alert) I say this because Finnick dies in the end, and even though he seems like a Casanova in book 2 , we learn that he knows more and cares more about people than even Katniss or I thought. I love his love for Annie and how certain he is about their relationship. I think this is part of the point of the book though that even love can thrive even in terrible conditions such a rebellion against the capital.
    However, even if Katniss is a symbol of the rebellion we get the sense in the beginning of the book that this is something that she is not sure she wants to be part of and she doesn't want to feel like a pawn in a chess game.  Oddly enough Katniss seems to have two evil adversaries through President Coin and Snow.  President Snow has always been an adversary through his treatment of children through the Hunger Games. President Coin seems to be an adversary because she wants to control Kat and she does not like that, furthermore for Coin if you are not with her than you are against her. (spoiler alert)  This becomes important towards the end of the book when Snow reveals to Katniss that Coin played a part in the death of her sister Prim. I think this honestly why she shoots her at the end of the book because she knows that Coin will continue the tradition of the Hunger Games and put the capital children through the hell she had just experienced in the past two novels. She did not want to have another leader who put their needs ahead of those of the group, and who would kill children such as prim and those of the capital just to win a war, they had already won.(spoiler alert)
    Katniss for this rash move is sent back to District 12 to recover from her burns and years later is married to Peeta and has two kids with him, but dreads telling her children about the horror of the hunger games. However, she is the one who finally has the freedom to decide what she can do with her life and the time she has left. But, I am not entirely sure if we get a happy ending at the end of this book given that Katniss still has nightmares about the death she caused or that were caused by others. However, I think in terms of applying this book to real life, I think all most of us can hope for is a positive ending in which we are able to marry the person we love, have friends and family who support us, and a career or job that we are passionate about. I am sure this much harder given the recession with budget cuts, layoffs, and any other new event to trip up plans that have been made. Also this book is helpful for those of us who have lost someone and are trying to deal with that grief in whatever way possible be it through death or by someone deciding that you are dead to them.

Catching fire...aka Hunger games the sequel

        Well, I know I said I would be blogging about Dickens Tales of Two Cities, but the Hunger Games series became too addictive and I decided to finish the rest of the series as soon as my cousin sent me the books in the mail. Now that I am done making excuses...on with the review. Now I personally I think that Katniss has gone through enough personal turmoil with the first hunger games and she deserves to relax after the PTSD and nightmares she is  experiencing now. President Snow (aptly named) seems to have other plans as this is the 75th anniversary of the hunger games which means it is a quarter quell and something much worse than last year is in store for those in the games. Snow is a sadistic men as he declares that all victors of the hunger games must be entered into the lottery for the hunger games for districts one through twelve, excluding the capital. Unfortunately this means given  that their are so few victors in the hunger games from District 12 that Katniss and Peeta are entering the arena. This also means that they are facing off against many victors from the past 75 years and have to decide whether to make them allies or enemies.
     There is an underlying issue to the hunger games this year is that Katniss must prevent a district wide revolution against the capital after her stunt with the nightlock last year with Peeta.  Even though all she was trying to do is keep her and Peeta alive , the fact that she inadvertently rebelled against the capital is just a fringe benefit.  The ironic is that as much as Katniss and Peeta try to keep up the ruse that they are in love, to try to keep calm and peace in the districts, a rebellion has started in various districts that Katniss cannot control. Katniss even decides to join in the fight against the capital through standing hand and hand with the victors, and hanging last years head game keeper metaphorical when she is getting her score before she enters the hunger games for a second time.  These little acts of rebellion in addition to the riots from districts three and eight light a fuse in which the districts would like their free will taken back from the capital.
        I think the main theme seen throughout this whole book is free will or rather lack of it by the end of it.  (spoiler alert) By the end of the novel Katniss is freed from the hunger games arena and learns that District 13 and many others are trying to overthrown the capital once and for all.  Katniss learns that she has become a pawn for the second time, that Haymitch has betrayed her trust through not informing her about the revolution and that she now is the symbol of this revolution which plans to have a coup on the capital.  Katniss has not had much free will throughout both books, she had to fake her relationship with Peeta to survive, now she has become part of a battle she is not sure if she even wants to fight for. I state this because of the many instances in both books where she mentions running over with Peeta or Gale to no longer be under capital rule and be free. However this theme of their not being any free will in a dictatorship based society has been seen in such books as 1984 (maybe Brave New World, am not sure about this), and many others.
     This book also has many questioning my own decisions in life, do I decide things, am I influenced by others, or is it already predestined and I have no say in the matter. Also this question becomes even more complicated in a social networking world with blogs, social networking sites, etc. These outside influences could impact how we view a restaurant, our friends, family, etc.. I think the problem with this that all these outside sources are based on perceptions when the reality about certain establishments, people, and events might be totally different. So do we make our own decisions, or does the internet do it for us like with Hitchhickers guide to the galaxy that will tell you everything you need to know and helps make  decisions for you.

Hunger games..a tale of survival

     I know readers I planned to give you a review of A Tale of Two Cities, but I got addicted to Hunger games the 1st book , and then I lost and found the  Tale of Two Cities book. Also, please forgive me but this Hunger games series seems like it will be very addicting. My new game plan is to read other books, while I wait ever so impatiently to finish the dystopian hunger games series.  Also for me this first book seemed more relevant to my life and my own survival. Furthermore, it is easy to relate to our heroine Katniss who while aloof and emotionally stunted in some way but  is an excellent hunter who generally cares about her friends and family. I can relate with her because I have been a tomboy since I was 5 , I generally don't like wearing pink, and I grew up playing basketball and video games. On the other hand I also bought barbies and had crushes on boys. I also like her am emotionally stunted in my own ways being a commitment-a-phobe who is not prone to let people into my life. Let me put it to you readers this way when my bf said he loved me, lets just say it took me some to respond and reciprocate said response.  This fear of letting people in can be seen with Katniss through out the book with Peeta when we never know if she actually cares for him or if she is just doing it to survive in the games, and make sure that both of them don't die.
      However, even with this fatal flaw, Katniss has the strong character of doing whatever she needs to survive. I am sure this a feeling we can all relate to as people take on more jobs to make ends meet, or try to take on less loans to make it debt free out of college. This can also be applied to food as more and more money in this economy is getting you less food, even with bargain hunting, coupons, and farmers markets. This is also apt by all the non-profit organizations trying to feed America. I even see this where I live which to me seems to be a combination of District 11 and 12 from the book. We have a big emphasis on agriculture and fresh produce while still providing produce to a majority of CA and the world. I think we have some of District 12 as their are homeless people on the street, a high unemployment rate and people going hungry. I don't know whether I should call this reality or the side effects of a recession that has been going on for years. (spoiler alert)
    But negative real events aside, horrible things that happen in the book such as Katniss rivals turning into Mutts (which is never explained) , her murdering one guy to survive and trying to play chicken with game makers until the very end, she does this with the end goal to survive and make it to her sister Primm who she loves more than life itself. Even though Peeta and her survive,the end is weird though with capital members thinking that she was mocking them through her fake out of having her and Peeta kill themselves with the deadly berries, even if this was not her intention. I might not have more to say on their totalitarian government until I have read the other books. All it makes me question is how much Katniss has in her life? and how much we have in our own lives?

New year, new attitude...

     Well, happy new year everyone, it has been a rocky one. I am hoping with this new year I will resolve to make some changes in my life. One of my resolutions currently is to blog about something other than my personal life such as the books I will hopefully reading and reviewing within the next couple weeks. My next resolution is to lose weight and to strengthen any friendships I currently have. My penultimate resolution is to learn how to drive finally, no matter how scary I think it is in the beginning. My last resolution is to be more social, as I am so socially awkward with new people, well its embarrassing to say the least.
     However, even with these resolutions I have learned a lot this year, there were these lines from My boys how people in the 20's start revealing who they really are, and that seems like this applies this year. When I lost my grandma and then my dog Lucky, it was hard to figure out who to turn to who would be reliable and listen to me rant and be all emotional. Also the one person I thought would stick around, left me too, over a big misunderstanding. But I am just going to have make one of my resolutions to learn to let it go, or continuing to have the naive hope that this person will change their mind and forgive me.  The cherry on this ice cream sundae of crazy  is having an 80 pg thesis to write and edit. I am in the editing phase I just need to motivate my self to finish this part of it so I get a break from it for a couple weeks. But, this year I shall be graduating and entering the real world and hopefully devoting more time to this blog and getting a job of course. My goal is to finally read and finish a tale of two cities by Charles Dickens and review that in  three weeks. Thanks for listening, and I hope you all have had a good year.