I am not sure if I have a dream...

     Alright for the networking group I am in we basically as a group with the help of a perk uplifting speaker who reminded me of a self help book in person form who wanted to help the group figure out what our ideal dream or vision was and how to get there. This for me is very confusing because I have just finished my education at least for now and their are many dreams I would like to accomplish. Also I know because I have goal or dream in mind, that does mean that A) I am good at it B) that I should be making a career out of it. I am at this point in my life where even if I have one clear cut dream and ways to get there that I need to keep my options open if I ever want to make a living and start a career of some sort.
    I don't view this as a negative thing. Also I know for any dreams that I want to happen that I am going to have to work for it. The one thing that the speaker and many of my colleagues did was give me ideas on top of my own ideas of how I was going to get there. But this is scary for me to because just because I want the dream and think I will be good at it, it does not mean that it will happen. I think my issue is that I am too much of a jaded realist and I have learned time and time again that what you plan for in life and what actually happens are two totally different things. I guess this might have been why I had a hard time buying into what the speaker was saying and thinking that if you envision it that it will happen, because life experience has taught me otherwise. So I am curious reader do think I should have taken what the speaker was saying with a grain of salt or just given this person the benefit of the doubt and tried to learn from them?
   

The quarter life crisis as seen in Take Me Home Tonight

      I couldn't sleep as per usual so I decided to stay up and watch a movie on Netflix. The movie I decided to watch was Take me home tonight, which I thought would remind me of other 1980's movies given that I have seen all the romcom classics For Keeps?, The Breakfast club, Some Kind of wonderful, Say Anything, etc.. However, even though this movie was placed in the 80's it came out on Mar. 4th, 2011. But this movie revealed the crisis facing those who have just graduated or those who have graduated years ago. I know this feeling, you have just finished your BA or BS, or were fired from a job you never liked in the first place. You have no clue what you are going to do or where you are going to be this job for your career whatever that is.
   Through the main characters in this film we were able to see this quarter life crisis of those who have no idea what the future holds. Now, I am sure for most people in their 20's this would be a bad thing, I however to believe to be a good thing, the world is your oyster and anything is possible. But, the prospect of this is terrifying to anyone, I can relate I plan to get my MA in English within the year and I have no idea what will happen after words, yet this thrills and excites me all at the same time. I think was necessary to see through Trish and Matt the main couple through this movie, that it is ok to not know what will happen in the future. Their relationship was further enhanced by the fun and light hearted songs such as the safety dance and "Come on Eileen" by the Proclaimers. I think these characters are like Ted from HIMYM and they need to realize that is not the destination that matters but that the journey is half the fun.
     But this hard to do as people in their 20s when they realize that when they hit 28 and if they go to a high school reunion people will be asking what they are doing  with their lives, and they will have to give an answer to that very annoying question. I think people especially people in their 20s like me fear not knowing the answer to this question. I know I do, heck I would probably avoid a reunion just to avoid this question in the first place.  I think maybe this movie is just trying to teach their viewers to shoot for something, even if they don't know what that something is yet.

Change is good...

       Well, I know that I have called this blog the bookworm for a while but it took me a while how much I have limiting in myself in what I post on this blog. Also as many readers have noticed I have been going through a reading dry spell that I am still trying to recover from and try to get back into reading small books, much less anything else. I have decided to change this title so I can have the freedom to post about the many things of interest to me such as tv shows, movies, cooking and possibly fashion. Also I can be very ADD so I figure if I have various things to talk about every week it won't seem so out of the ordinary. I do still plan to review books, it just might not be as often as usual.
       Also I have been in a sort of post graduate funk so my hope is that through blogging and other activities I can forget about said funk. Also writing on the blog is one of my few forms of catharsis. I am one of those weird people when I get into these movies I tend to re-watch a series, or movie with the hope that it will help me reevaluate a situation in a better light. Actually it was through re-watching Palladino's Gilmore girls that I came up with this title from an episode where Rory is commenting that her mom "likes washing dishes too. She's multi-faceted abnormal."(1.14. That Damm Donna Reed). I figured this was applicable with my multiple nerdy interests. Well I guess this is all for now, will try to post more later.
     

Post grad life....

       Well the good news is that I found that I got an A on my  masters thesis.  The bad news is as of lately I am feeling sort of lost and not sure what I am planning to do with my life post grad school. In the beginning I thought this was a good thing but apparently idle hands make me critical, add, and a little itchy whether I intend to be or not around other people and myself.  On top of my idleness I have been procrastinating stuff that I need to do such as cleaning my room, looking for work, doing the chores around the house, etc. I know how to do these things I think I have just been too mopey to do them.
    These feelings make me wonder through if there are any others like me fresh out of grad school wondering what the heck do I do with my life now?? I know I would like to teach  English at a community college but just because this is what I want to do, it doesn't necessarily mean that I would be good at it or that I should do it in the first place.  So on top of trying to achieve what I want to do I need to come up with backups in case things don't go as planned. I have to imagine what would I like to do with my life if I wasn't going to teach and I come up with too many options. I think the weight of everything to come is just stressing and freaking me out its like a quiet panic attack. I had panic attacks when I was a freshman I was hoping to avoid them now. I am wondering if anyone else graduating seniors or grad students are having similar mini panic attacks....Well thanks for listening readers and I hope to post reviews on books as soon as I get the chance.

What is an "American"?

    I know this a weird topic to post about since I have tried to spend the past couple months trying to post about books, but this topic came up from a debate I was having with my stepbrother in the car. He was arguing that immigrants from other countries should learn to speak English in order to be deemed an "American".  I think the reason this argument peeved me so much is because "American" is such a mutt term given that most Americans have come from other countries and as far I am concerned it is their choice as to whether or not they want to learn English while residing here.  This is complicated by the fact that people that come from other countries most likely come from various backgrounds.
      Some international residents are here to just get their degrees and leave. Another perspective is those generation 1.5 generation who are balancing maintaining their own language while deciding whether or not to acclimate to American culture.  Finally it could be the parents of generation 1.5 ers who might not want to learn the language of English (but I am sure their are outliers who do) but again it is their choice and they does not make them any less American. So I have to ask you readers out their does spending 7+ years learning a language such as English make you "American"?  I am not sure how I feel about this when America is known as the country where you have the freedom to speak the language you like be it Hmong, Spanish, Chinese etc...with the hope that you won't be judged by others.

Totally lost...

   I have been watching Bunheads for the past couple weeks and the character I find myself most able to relate to is Michelle who like me is totally lost and trying to find my way and figure things out. It feels like what I have been trying to do all summer, figure out where I want or could work, what to do when I have finished my thesis, and what friends I actually want to hang out with this summer. I have been surprised by my answers or lack of answers to these questions that I have been indirectly posing to myself all summer. I think my quandary is whether to answer said questions or to pay things by ear like I have been doing all summer.
   Also it is probably these and many excuses why I have not written any reviews about book the past couple months, life and my thesis have taken over. Also I have done the crazy thing of trying to socialize this summer it feels like I have been trying to compensate with my lack of social life in grad school over the past three months which I have since learned is crazy and impossible to accomplish. It has just been a really weird summer. Even with the very small goals I gave myself to accomplish like getting a job and many other things. I will post reviews about books when I have gotten out of whatever funk I am in long enough to finish one. Thanks for listening.

The many foibles in having toxic friendships...

        Alright maybe its because I am getting older and because good friends have become harder to come by but I have gotten to the age where I am figuring out which friends are worth staying the long haul and which one's might need das boot. I am just pondering this because I was hanging out with a friend of mine that I just begun hanging out within the past couple months and he did something that has never happened to me before and offered to pay for meal for my birthday. This put me in sort of shock because these days I am lucky if some of my friends remember my birthday much less offer to do that. I never expect that, most birthdays I am grateful to hang out with people and socialize.  Also this makes me wonder if the other people that I have been hanging out with good be in the label of toxic friendships or non existant ones...and which is worse?
      This is worth pondering because some of the people I have been hanging out with up to this point, either don't make the effort and I have to do all the work, or are so lost in their own worlds falling apart that doing nothing seems like my best bet just with the hope that I will not make them angry. I rarely ever friends that are there for me and will give a damm. These people are few and far between and I am grateful when they do appear in the first place. Also this makes me wonder if I have been living in a cave up to this point when it comes to friends and have finally seen the light where people can be supportive and understanding to one another.  Another possibility is that my negative experiences have jaded me so much that the idea of a friend being nice or supportive or anything in the range of what a normal person does freaks me out and getting close to said person even harder even if I can trust them.  Now I know this post has nothing to do with literature but it is something I was wondering about tonight probably because I am in shock over the past events of this past month. 
          I feel like the mouse from Daria who has been exposed to such much negative stimuli that even when a reward or positive reinforcement may come that I will cower or run. I don't think is emotionally healthy at all, and just leads me with more questions about how to best proceed... Do I make a stand with these non existant or toxic friends or just ignore them..and see them when I see fit? Also what do I  with those people who treat me well, but I am too scared too get close because I have been burned too much in the past? Any thoughts on how to deal with this quandary is much appreciated.